Wedding: 1 May 1999, 1200 Hotel Utah (Joseph Smith Memorial Building) Kirtland Room, 13 East, South Temple, Salt Lake City, Utah. Open House: 7 May 1999, 1800 to 2030 Butler Hill Chapel, 2700 East 7000 South, Butler (Cottonwood Heights), Utah. Presiding: Florien Wineriter Celebrant for Friends of Religious Humanism Tonya and David, you are surrounded by your friends and family, gathered to witness your marriage and to share in the joy of this occasion. As you know our lives are filled with many meaningful events. One of the most meaningful is the decision to intimately share our life with another in marriage. Marriage is a major and significant event in the human experience. I would like to remind you that no minister, no priest, no rabbi, no public official can marry you. Only you can marry yourselves by a mutual commitment to love, and to work toward creating an atmosphere of caring, consideration and respect. From this day onward you will come closer together than ever before, but at the same time your love should give you the strength to stand apart, to seek out your unique destinies, to make your special contribution to the world that is always part of us, yet more than us. Marriage is the ultimate relationship, a relationship based on mutual respect and equality. It involves concern for values and sensitivity to each others feelings and needs as well as an appreciation of the things that make each partner so special. Within this "ideal" there is room for some disagreement, some bad days, differences of opinion and even anger. However, loving partners find effective ways of dealing with these differences; they do not view each encounter as a battle to be won or lost, but rather an opportunity to find a compromise that will enhance their love and respect for each other. Marriage has been established and sanctified for our welfare and our happiness. Those who enter into this relationship are to cherish a mutual esteem and love; to bear with each other's infirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, in trouble and in sorrow; in honesty and adversity; to provide for each other and to encourage each other, to live together as heirs of life. We encourage you to share in each other's confrontations with life, to be energetic on each other's behalf and to remain ambitious for each other's growth and development. A good relationship should enrich, broaden, and add to your life, not narrow it by forcing you to give up those things that are vital to your character. A good relationship encourages personal growth for both partners. We enter into a relationship because we are attracted to the qualities we see in our partner. The growth of the relationship will be enhanced by inspiring further growth of those qualities we find attractive and supporting the development of new ones. The relationship will suffer if individual growth is discouraged or if one partner imposes unwanted changes on the other. The institution of marriage is ordained as a public recognition of the private experience of love, and as a sanctifying of two individuals to love's greatest purpose: the realization of the human potential. Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote, "When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in freedom,.in the sense that dancers are free,... barely touching as they pass,...but partners in the same pattern... "There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand;... only the barest touch in passing.... they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it." The excitement of marriage lies in staying close to reality and growing continuously. Today as you join yourselves in marriage, there is a vast unknown future stretching out before you. The possibilities and potentials are great; now falls upon your shoulders the task of choosing mutual values, and bringing into reality your moral dreams. In this way you will create the meaning of your life together. In traditional religions it is customary to call down a blessing upon the bride and groom, but I know that you share with me the conviction that how two people love and treat one another, how they contribute to society and become involved in the community, is just as important as their religious beliefs. You stand before us today as two mature, thoughtful people who wish to express their mutual devotion within the frame work of a meaningful life together in our organized society. For your self-reliance, your courage and your love, you deserve our respect, and it is these attributes that make this a serious and a truly religious occasion. I should like, at this time, to speak of some of the things which many of us wish for you. First of all we wish for you a love that makes both of you better people, that continues to give you joy and zest for living, that provides you with energy to face the responsibilities of life. We wish for you a home--not just a shelter from the wind and the rains, but an island of sanity and serenity in a frenzied world. We hope that this home is more than a place of private joy and retreat, but also serves as a temple wherein the values of your life are generated and upheld. We hope that your home stands as a symbol of humans living together in love and peace, seeking truth and demanding social justice. We hope that your home encompasses the beauty of nature, that it has within it the elements of simplicity, harmony, and beauty; color, silence, and companionship, and a concordance with the rhythms of life. We wish for you a home with books and poetry and music; a home with all the things that represent the highest ideals of men and women. We wish for your children--children who will not be mere reflections of yourselves, but will learn from you your best traits, and will go forth to re-create the values you shall instill in them. We hope that you will give your children the freedom to find their own way, that you will standby them when they need you but will stand aside when it is time for them to seek their own destinies. We hope that you will pass on to your children the concept of family, not at as an economic unit, but as transcendent force that brings people close in time of joy and in time of need. Finally, we wish that at the end of your lives you will be able to say to each other, "Because you have loved me, you have given me faith in myself and made our journey of life together a beautiful experience." The love you share today is the love that enshrines and ennobles the human experience. It is the basis for the peace of family and the peace of the peoples of the world. The marriage you are creating today is the most meaningful relationship two people can share; your family and friends celebrating with you today hope that you will find it a long, rewarding and growing relationship. With those thoughts and reflections on the commitments of marriage let us proceed with the important vows you now desire to make to each other. Do you David Egan Evans take Tonya Michelle Smith to be your wedded wife, to live together in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love her, honor and comfort her, in sickness and in health, in prosperity and adversity? "I will." Do you, Tonya Michelle Smith, take David Egan Evans to be your wedded husband, to live together in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love him, honor and comfort him, in sickness and in health, in prosperity and adversity? "I will." May we have the rings please. [The rings are given by the best man, Eric P. Essen] The wedding ring is a symbol. Mythologist Joseph Campbell says the word symbol means two things coming together. These Rings are a symbol of your coming together in an unbroken circle of love; love freely given and freely received. The wedding ring indicates your willingness to come together in a circle of love. Please place your ring on Tonya's finger and holding the ring repeat after me: With this ring I thee wed, and to thee only will I keep myself, so long as we both shall live. Please place your ring on David's finger and holding the ring repeat after me: With this ring I thee accept, and pledge myself to our marriage vows. In as much as David and Tonya have thus pledged themselves, each to the other, and have made those commitments in the presence of this company by taking the marriage vows and exchanging the symbolic wedding rings, I now declare them to be husband wife, according to the laws of the state of Utah and by the authority of their own wisdom and judgment. May the bond that unites them today be strengthened daily and their lives be enriched continually by a deepening appreciation of their marriage. I suggest you complete this joyous ceremony with a warm embrace as husband and wife. Copyright (c) 1999, 2004, 2006 by D E Evans No part of this work may be reproduced, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage, or retrieval system, without written permission from the author.